Alfa Romeo 4C Features: Style 2

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Original

The original features somewhat awkward phrasing and expects too much of customer knowledge: e.g. what is downforce?

The original features somewhat awkward phrasing and ignores some additional benefits of the body.

My Version

My version features simplified text and shorter, more memorable sentences. It also has basic information about how the aerodynamics work. People enjoy learning, after all.

My version features simplified text and shorter, more memorable sentences. It also has basic information about how the aerodynamics work. People enjoy learning, after all.

What’s different

Once again, the sentences are shorter, more sensibly written and better tailored to online reading. Over-complicated rhetoric and long sentences don’t have much place when people want information at a glance. Also included is reference to a party piece ignored by the original text: the car’s low drag coefficient. This allows it to accelerate more cleanly through the air and boosts fuel economy.

Downforce is generated in notable quantity once the vehicle reaches a certain speed (for the sake of a hypothetical figure, we’ll say 4o miles per hour), so “downforce at top speed” is both misleading and, considering most drivers are unlikely to push the car to top speed, pointless. The downforce is gluing you to the road when you’re taking a highway exit ramp at speed or navigating a mountain road, so its worth noting that it doesn’t just exist at the better end of 155mph.

Mentioning the aesthetics and the benefits they bring in brief tells consumers why they should care and gives the ever enjoyable experience of learning something new.

Adding another brief tagline provides yet another anchor for memorability. And who doesn’t enjoy a combination of beauty and intelligence?

Finally, larger text has once again been employed to improve readability.

If you have any thoughts, post them below.

(Headline changes will be coming in the future).

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